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  So of course I survived the birthday party.  I woke up Sunday morning and came downstairs and found all of the boys sitting on the sectional couch.  Wait a minute..........I asked "Who's missing?"  "Oh", they replied "Dan went home".  "When?" I queried.  The matter-of-fact reply I received was "Around 1:30".  "In the morning?", I bounced back. "How did he get home?" In my mind I am envisioning his 5 mile trek on foot in the dark, encountering bears and coyotes, not to mention rabid racoons (we really do have all of those); after all, he doesn't drive, he's only thirteen. "Oh", Tyler said, without looking up from the TV, "He called his Dad".   Now Dan may be only thirteen but he's at least 5'10" and 150 pounds; I just didn't take him for the homesick type.  So I asked a stupid question...."Why?" "He forgot he had a baseball game this morning", was the answer I received.  So, of course, I immediately felt guilty that I never woke up throughout all these comings and goings and resolved, once again, to never have a party like this, it's just too unpredictable.

Anyway, by 4:30 all of them went home and I was able to restore my house back to some semblance of order.  I then was on standby to pick up my fifteen year old daughter.  I guess I didn't mention that she now, for the first time, has a boyfriend.  She went to his house, (of course I went in and met the parents, looked over the surroundings, made friends with the dog - I'm nothing if not thorough), to watch movies.  To preface this I must add that she has not admitted that this boy is a "boyfriend" but just a "friend".  However, I am skeptical since the movie she brought with her is "The Notebook", which is about a "10" where sad, romantic love stories are concerned.  Do you really watch something like that with a guy who is just a pal?? I don't think so.

As it turns out the boy's Mom offered to drive my daughter home.  They showed up around 8 PM.  I was out in the yard weeding the flower bed (really, just a coincidence).  They pulled up and I thanked the Mom for bringing Marissa home. She graciously replied, "OH, no problem, I was going out anyway" and we continued to make small talk.  As all this was happening, out of the corner of my eye I saw Marissa get out of the car accompanied by her boyfriend.  They hugged Goodbye and at the moment all I could think was "Isn't that sweet?"

Later, in the shower, as I reflected upon this small moment, it struck me that it was very poignant and bittersweet, this simple hug.  I was happy for her, in one way, knowing how wonderful it must be for her right now, to have someone in her life who cares about her , how exciting new love is.  And happy that she has the potential to have fulfilling and gratifying relationships. But selfishly, I was sad for myself.  Sad in the knowledge that other people can and will become more important to her than I am.  She has been a great companion to me and the time is coming when I know she will have her own life.  But, in the long run, it's what life is all about, isn't it?  It reminds me of the words of Kahlil Gibran, (I'll do my best, but I know it's not exactly right),"Your children are not your children,  they are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself, they come through you but not from you and though they are with you yet, they belong not to you".  Such wise words. 

It's just so hard to let them go.